Marriage: My husband and I got married in a “nontraditional way”, but it was our way and I wouldn't change it for anything. No one was there except for me, him, a photographer and the judge. It was the most magical day of my life. About a year and a half ago, at 26 years old we knew we wanted to get married, so we planned it. When I say we planned it, I mean we called the courthouse, got the marriage certificate, and he set the date for the actual ceremony. I ordered my dress for $100 dollars (that was including shipping) and lost weight to fit into it!
Being the thoughtful person that he is, my husband wanted to propose to me even though we knew we were getting married… TWO days later! He decided to take me to a park that had a beautiful waterfall, got on one knee, and asked for my hand in marriage! I remember people walking around the track recording it and putting it on snap chat lol. I had on my work shirt, jeans and highlighter green huaraches (the outfit was awful, but I didn't care). Afterwards, we ate sushi and then went to church.
Why the courthouse? Because we knew we had to do what was best for us. No big wedding, no family fighting, and no spending money we didn't have just to make everyone else comfortable. It didn't matter who had something to say because in a marriage you make decisions together. You quickly learn everyone will have an opinion, but your marriage is no one else's business. Go to God with ALL of your concerns and decisions. He will direct your path! I try to stay away for asking for people's opinions when it comes to my marriage because people love to see you unhappy, and often to push their insecurities off on you. I pray everyday that Josh and I remain faithful to God first and then to each other.
Foundation: Now a days, I look at marriages and I don’t see foundation. I don’t see enough couples willing to do the work. Marriage takes hard work, and that hard work is very rewarding. I was a woman before my husband, but I wasn't at my full potential and vise versa. He helped me get to the point where I am now, and continues to push me daily. He encourages me to face situations and trauma that I have occurred in my life. Now I speak my truth and I don't care who doesn't like it!
I can be the most dramatic yet nonchalant person at times depending on the day. He looks at me calmly, says a few words and makes me realize that I’m over thinking things, doing the most, or when things are my fault … We are truly equally yoked. That does not mean we are perfect, we argue sometimes, we have debt/financial situations, things from our past, etc. We knew ALL of these things could occur before we said “I do”. The important thing is that we communicate. We also became best friends and we have a mutual respect for each other. Communication and respect in relationship goes a long way.
Foundation is also figuring out what you want your life to look like as a unit. We create our own traditions, and ways of doing things. For example, I am reading the bible from the beginning and he is reading the bible from the end, so that we can meet in the middle. We share stories and interpretations that fascinate/grabs our attention. We have a plan to actually read the missing books too! We want to know things for ourselves and not hang on to what was told to us. These are things we will instill in our children when God blesses us to have them. BTW: I want twins so bad!! My husband thinks I’m crazy.
As a young, black, married couple,it is important to show each other that we are a Kings and Queens because society sees us a threat. It is important to show that black love, foundation, and respect still exist!